|
The end is nigh,
brothers and sisters. Spores of pure evil have drifted across the border,
settling like particulate dung-mist on the once fair and sparkling True
North Strong & Free. The Howard has landed. Howard Stern’s morning drive
show is infecting not one but two radio stations: CHOM FM in Montreal and
Q107 in Toronto. Why, before long, we’ll all be walking, looking, dressing
and thinking just like Americans . . .
A cursory listen
to Stern’s work reveals it as the most recent incarnation of what countless
performers — Don Rickles perhaps best-known among them — have been doing for
years: telling blunt, unvarnished truths about people and situations to make
folks laugh. It’s called comedy.
In the press
conference immediately following his debut, Stern parried every question,
slight and insult — implied and direct — with a remark much more
self-deprecating than anything his inquisitors could muster. It’s part of
the shtick: no matter how nasty Stern gets in ridiculing his broad range of
targets, he always saves the most pointed barbs for himself.
Why the fuss
over Howard Stern? U.S. radio shrink Dr. Laura Schlesinger’s daily talk show
has been running for a couple of years in the Toronto market (it’s moving to
the all-talk 640 from 1050 CHUM-AM) and across the country. In the name of
“therapy,” Dr. Laura barks derision at one neurotic after another. It’s a
lot like the Howard Stern show, but with less compassion, more
self-righteousness and no humor.
Coverage of
Stern’s debut indicates Canada’s in worse shape than anyone knew. Forget the
prospect of Quebec’s ever-impending separation (go if you’re going;
just quit talking about it). Apparently we’re in much greater danger
from jokes, and adolescent jokes at that.
In the chorus of
disapproval for Stern as an exemplar of encroaching American vulgarity (like
Shania Twain is something we should be proud of), there’s a disturbing
stench of hypocrisy. The Globe and Mail thought it made sense to
compare the debut of the Stern show with the roll-out of the CBC’s effort to
fill the Gzowski-shaped hole in its schedule. Hey, they’re both radio shows,
aren’t they? Following this line of reasoning, watch the Globe for
some penetrating insights on key differences between Marilyn Manson and
Mozart: their names both start with ‘M’ and music starts with ‘m’ so there
must be a connection.
Funnier,
perhaps, is that this pointless comparison appears in the same Globe
which pads the product of its too-small, overworked editorial staff with
countless reprints from The Wall Street Journal, The New York
Times, The Economist and The New Republic, among others.
Along similar
“harken-the-pot-to-the kettle” lines, many broadcast news outlets decried
Stern too. These would be the same news departments that use stories
straight off the ABC, CBS, CNN or NBC affiliate feeds in their newscasts
without compunction. These would be the same networks whose prime-time
schedules are stuffed with American shows they bought in Los Angeles, just
like they do every spring . . . and whose fringe-prime slots are paved
wall-to-wall with syndicated U.S. fare . . . and whose dayparts would be
dead air were it not for U.S. network soaps and/or talk shows. Let’s see if
we understand this: it’s okay to import print and broadcast journalism,
television, movies, music and just about every other cultural product by the
trainload, but a sophomoric radio show is a real threat to our sovereignty.
Huh?
There was some
lovely syzygy on the CBC as the Stern furor mounted: The National
re-ran a very serious series anchored by repatriated correspondent
Brian Stewart bewailing the “Americanization of Canada.” I guess during all
those years Stewart worked for NBC News, the situation wasn’t as dire. Or
perhaps he was doing what he could to reverse the tide, Canadianizing NBC
from the inside as a mole . . . or “stealth beaver.” Maybe between cashing
those hefty peacock paychecks he was deeply tormented about his eroding
cultural identity but too much of a pro to let it show. Or perhaps the CBC
found itself with a bunch of empty airtime late in the summer and knows that
Canadians never get tired of fretting about their identity. Or watching
somebody else do it.
CHOM and Q107
aren’t paying Stern’s syndication fees (rumored to hover around $350,000 per
market) just to shock the Victorian sensibilities of a few self-styled elite
bluenoses, or to make CBC cassandras squirm. There’s an audience for this,
as Stern and his corporate employer Infinity Broadcasting have already
proven so conclusively in the U.S.
And there’s your
classic expression of the Canadian identity: we’ll rarely touch something in
this country until it’s been proven that folks in some other country like it
first (with the usual exceptions of Clamato juice, Shreddies and Smarties).
In the post-show
press conference following his inaugural Canadian broadcast, Stern pointed
out that Canada is pretty much the 51st state. He can be forgiven for only
just figuring that out now. As he confessed, he knows nothing about Canada. |
