Marketing Magazine, January 25, 1999   

Read carefully before proceeding. Parental discretion advised. Viewers strongly cautioned. You must be this tall to ride. Do not leave child unattended. Adult situations. Park and lock it. Not responsible. For educational purposes only. Void where prohibited. Subject to availability. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents packed by weight, not volume; contents may settle during shipment. Contents under pressure. Do not incinerate. Do not induce vomiting. No step. Limit one per family. License, title, taxes, shipping, dealer prep not included in base sticker price. One way. Watch your step. No substitutions. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. Mind the gap. Keep hands clear. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Aim away from face. May cause drowsiness, fatigue and dry mouth. For external use only. One size fits all. Penalty for misuse. Colors may fade. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Keep cool; process promptly. No shirt, no shoes, no service. Right lane must turn right. Post Office will not deliver without postage. The Surgeon General advises that danger to health increases with amount smoked. Never siphon by mouth. Current at time of printing. Pay before pumping. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. No radio. Cellular phone use prohibited. No bills larger that $20. May contain xanthan gum, guar gum, locust beans, mono- and diglycerides. May contain traces of peanut products or process cheese food. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Contains new material; do not remove under penalty of law. Sound horn. Add toner. Do not feed the animals. Risk of shock. Sanitized for your protection. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. This is not a flying toy. Prices may vary in Hawaii, Alaska and Puerto Rico. Serving suggestion. Not exactly as illustrated. Not actual size. Do not refreeze. Limited time offer. You may already be a wiener. Not transferable. Shading may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from spark or open flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Some equipment shown is optional. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Photocopies and facsimiles are not accepted. Recommended for calorie-reduced diets. Other applications constitute fraud. All copy is transmitted “for immediate release” unless otherwise designated. All coupons remitted become our property. List at least two alternate dates. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. This column is not yet rated. First pull up, then pull down. Do not dry clean. Call toll-free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned appear for identification purposes only. Place all metal objects in tray before proceeding. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Average execution time on marketable orders is less than 10 seconds. This is not an offer to sell securities. No animals were harmed in the making of this column. Harmful if swallowed. Do not fold, crush, bend, spindle or mutilate. On approved credit. Credits not contractual. Do not start engine until vessel has docked. Do not drop. Keep engine running, put gearshift in neutral. Screen images are simulated. Detach here. Always wear your seat belt. Those who appreciate quality enjoy it responsibly. Sight glass must be full before and after delivery. Images were single-pass scanned at 400 dpi. Your mileage may vary. Not for use with some sets. Your parents have to put it together. Dolls do not actually talk. Barbie cannot move by herself. Professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Do not try this at home. Get your parents’ permission. No pipe or cigar smoking. This product is not a safe alternative to cigarettes. Vehicles transporting bees prohibited. Carry chains beyond this point. No spitting. Contact your branch. For further information, retain my stub. Do not use if seal is broken. Lather, rinse, repeat. Persons with heart conditions, nursing mothers or other medical condition should seek the advice of a physician. Do not exceed maximum dosage of eight columns in 12 hours. No talking to operator while column is in motion. Eye/foot/head/hearing protections must be worn. No unauthorized persons beyond this point. Access all areas. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This is different from its original version; it has been formatted to fit this screen. All rights reserved.